A Funny Way to Sabotage a Wedding

Media Platforms Design Team

A wedding should be one of the happiest days in a couple's life—as long as the guests don't do anything dumb. While it seems like you only see matrimonial catastrophes on sitcoms, they happen all the time at real receptions, too. In fact, it's dangerously easy to let a well-meaning gesture make you the subject of a story that begins, "Hey, remember the jerk at that one wedding . . . "

With nuptials season in full swing, here are the seven ways you're most likely to slip up—and how to avoid torpedoing someone's special day.

1. You fail to dress for the occasion.
Black-tie weddings are increasingly uncommon, but even a casual outdoor ceremony requires you at least to show up in a suit. So how do you keep from looking like you're dressed for another day at the office? Simple: Swap out your usual striped button-down for a crisp, white shirt. It will lend any suit a more formal, tuxedo-like appearance, says Megan Collins, creator of Style Girlfriend. Accessorize with a brightly colored tie and pocket square. "The pocket square doesn't even have to match—the important thing is that you wear one," Collins says. Wedding on the beach? Ditch the tie, unbutton your collar, and you're good to go. Most importantly, email the groom and ask what the wedding party is wearing, so you don't accidentally show up in a matching suit and look like an impostor groomsman.

2. You give a raunchy best man speech.
The worst wedding toasts seem to suffer from overconfidence, where the best man sincerely believes he'll get a laugh out of the assembled family and friends by recounting the groom's numerous college hookups or drunken antics that flouted morality. "It stems from a desire to show they're close to the couple by sharing something personal, but they don't keep it within appropriate bounds," says Jim Key, professional public speaker with Toastmasters International. On the day you wind up holding the mic, tell one good anecdote about the groom that emphasizes his best qualities, then smoothly segue into describing a personality trait you admire in the bride. (Compliments about a woman's hot looks on her wedding day usually come off as creepy, Key says.) Practice your talk ahead of time to make sure it clocks in at under 4 minutes.

3. You bring a date who wasn't invited.
Here's the situation: You're single, and you have a plus-one. Who better to accompany you than someone the bride actually knows and was part of your circle of friends—and for some reason didn't get her own invitation? "If you know someone was specifically not invited, the bride or groom obviously doesn't want that person there," says Collins. The smart move is to simply find another date or come solo, because even asking the bride if a mutual, uninvited friend can come puts her in the awkward position of having to explain why she got the shaft in the first place.

4. You go overboard at the open bar.
While everyone loves unlimited, free booze, it can be hard to pace yourself when your third drink feels more like your fifth. One study at Cornell University showed that even experienced bartenders dole out 21 percent more than a standard pour when serving alcohol in a short, stout rocks glass than in a tall, skinny one. Separate research also found that people pour 11.9 percent more wine into the bowl-like glasses used for reds compared to smaller white wine glasses. That means you're less likely to overindulge if you drink champagne from a narrow flute.  "For best control, avoid mixed drinks and stick with exact portions like bottled beer with the percentage of alcohol indicated on the label," says study author Laura Smarandescu, Ph.D., a professor of marketing at Iowa State University

5. You request a banned song.
Most wedding DJs will take requests, as long as your song hasn't been prohibited by the couple's "do-not-play" list. The tunes most likely to be banned at a reception? Perennial organized dancing nuisances like "Macarena," "Gangam Style," and "YMCA," along with obviously inappropriate fare like "Baby Got Back" and "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)," according to music software maker DJ Intelligence. But there are plenty of outlawed tunes that are also well-loved and show up on the most regularly requested list, like "Don't Stop Believin," "Sexy and I Know It," and "I Gotta Feeling." Here's a hint: If you ask for a popular song and the DJ claims, "I don't have it," that likely means it's banned—and he's trying to let you down easy.

6. You bring a gift that wasn't on the registry.
It can feel a little weird buying the buddy you've known since middle school a set of napkins or a muffin tin from the gift registry his girl picked out. But if you pool money with the other guys in your circle of friends, you can afford to buy one big-ticket item. "There's usually at least one expensive item on the registry that's clearly for the groom, like a Weber Grill," says Collins. Plus, the newlyweds will be thrilled to receive the one thing they didn't expect anyone to actually buy. If your friends don't want to chip in, simply give the bride and groom cash—they'd probably rather have the money than a fondue set anyway.

7. You don't R.S.V.P.—or worse, don't show up.
As anyone who has tied the knot will tell you, organizing a wedding is one of the most difficult and stressful endeavors a young couple will attempt. (Before they have kids, of course). The average wedding costs around $28,000—or well over $40,000 if the wedding is in a major metro area, according to a survey of 17,500 brides by The Knot. That generally breaks down to about $210 for each guest, which is probably more than you spend on groceries in a week, much less a single meal. And the bride and groom have to pay for that, whether you're there to eat it or not.

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Source: https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a19534027/ruin-wedding/

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